The Saga of the White Shoes

(Originally written to our sons but you might get a little something out of it too. References to ‘mom’ throughout this story are of course, references to their mother, Leilani, whose name I also often shorten to ‘Lani. Enjoy!)

As usual, I’m fussing about being on time and mom is still trying to get ready. It always reminds me of what happens when ‘an irresistible force meets and immovable object’ *o#y@7$^x? See what I mean! It blows your mind.
Eventually we head for the door but not before mom primps herself one more time, in front of the huge mirror that I actually bought for that purpose. She asks me if she looks okay. She knows and I know that she looks absolutely gorgeous but I mumble a “You look great, let’s go!”
As we go to get in the car, she wants to know if I locked the door? Have I got the keys? Have we got enough gas? What about the tickets???? I refuse to answer. They are the same questions of a thousand other departures, whether we are going to church, to the store around the corner or to California, but in a resigned moment I dutifully give my one word answer, “Yes!
As we approach the freeway, there’s a truck behind me who seems to be a little close. He stays too close the whole time. I step on the gas and pretty soon the two of us are weaving traffic. Maybe he wasn’t that close and maybe I like to drive fast. I do like to get where I’m going. Once more mom berates me for it and claims that I’m going to kill us both. Actually, I’m a very good, intelligent driver. Really!
We park the car in the employees area, which means it will not cost us anything when we are gone. I have learned to take one small bag whenever we travel, knowing that I’ll be toting three or four of mom’s. With that in mind, I’m careful to park as close as I can to a shuttle pickup point. Ah, perfect, a spot just opened about five steps away and a shuttle is already approaching. I have to holler at mom because she still hasn’t got out of the car yet even though I am already boarding with all the bags. She acts demure for the driver who melts at her dazzling smile and I sigh resignedly; She is queen of all her domain and she is mine. She puts her head on my shoulder as she sits next to me and like the driver, I melt too.
As I observe the lengthy line already waiting at Delta, I am unable to resist remarking something like; “I hate being late,” to which she retorts, “I didn’t have enough time.” This is supposed to be a completely justifiable response. We hope to get on the 8:10pm flight to LA. It doesn’t look good with two overbooked already. We proceed to the waiting area. I settle down to a favorite past-time of looking at the pretty girls. Mom reminds me not to stare but sometimes I forget.
Mom is talking to me about some shoes she bought and how they are hurting her feet when she walks. They are a cute white pair with a lattice like arrangement over the arch. She decides to just leave them there under the seat and thus begins ‘the saga of the white shoes.’
Our names are called and we are able to get seat assignments on the flight. As we move to depart a lady touches ‘Lani on the shoulder and says, “You’ve forgotten your shoes,” “I know, I’m leaving them and I don’t want them anymore.” The lady is chagrined and fades into the crowd. A man who has been eyeing mom the whole time, sees his chance and says, “Maam (with a stupid grin, intended to be a smile-just kidding), do you know that you’ve forgotten your shoes?” Mom gives him a killer smile, “Oh thank you but I don’t want them anymore.” There’s that look of astonishment or confusion. “It’s the same one I’ve had all these years too Mr.!”
Let’s get on the plane and maybe we’ll escape the shoes.
Wow! We almost made first class. Row 13, seats A and B. Close enough to act a little arrogant, ha! These people don’t know that we are ‘stand-bye.’
As everyone is finally settled into their seats, a stewardess is approaching holding high in the air, a pair of white shoes: “Does anyone know who owns these shoes?” Our seat companion rescues us by telling the attendant that the lady who owns them doesn’t want them anymore. Last night I dreamt about giant white shoes chasing us around airports and following us on airplanes.
As mom dozed on my shoulder once again, I thought, life has certainly never been boring. If I could write fast enough, everyday is a wonderful new story!
OK, we get to LAX but what to do now? We rent a car from Thrifty. Mom says that Harry Schultz has told her that we don’t
need insurance because the rental company already has it covered. I think that that is probably correct but I’m too nervous and pay the nine dollars anyway. At least I’m at peace about it. But I’m not going to get any peace from Mom who gets in one more comment, “If I was doing it, I wouldn’t buy it.” I’ve got a rebuttal in me but I hold it back and think, how powerful, how courageous, how magnanimous I am and I smile within myself and I can see that the agent has noticed how condescending I am. I’m the winner! Ha!
We have a map. All I have to do is read it. Piece of cake! Proceed to the street, go right, then right again and then the 105.
What happened? We went around the block. Mom asks, “Are we lost already?” I reply that I was just making sure where we are so that we can find our way back easily. Phew! That was quick. I go once more, slowly looking carefully and when I find the 105, I breathe an unobservable sigh of relief and act like I knew exactly what I was doing all along. We made it into Glendora via the 605 and the 210. Its quite late and we go to Denny’s near Grand Ave to eat.
Now we are very tired and need to find a place to ‘hole up.’ We go to the Glendora Motel but there’s no vacancy. We try two other places, same thing. So guess what? It’s about 1am and we go to the church on Alosta Ave (rt66). Its nice and dark there, so we park against the back of the Parking lot and sleep. That is, mom sleeps OK. She snores loudly, curled up in the back seat of the red Neon.
My sleep is hardly that. I don’t want to be caught here, so as soon as there’s a glimmer of morning, I’m ‘outa’ there. We wind up at the Shilo Inn up the 57. Rm 431, which has a fantastic view of the Freeway, yay!
The room is not any better than one at the Glendora Motel but we get a swimming pool and two mornings of complimentary breakfasts. So by my calculations, deduct $30 from room cost plus pool, the cost is about the same and of course it allows us to put on “uppity airs.’
We rest a bit, use our first morning of the complimentary breakfasts and then call Aaron Jr.
Ariel and Eli are waiting and excited when we arrive and of course that makes us excited too. Its about 9:30 am and because we can get back before 2pm, Aaron decides to join us. We head for Newport Beach. We find a metered area but we only have three quarters, so now what to do? The guy next to us is leaving so we tag his spot because his meter still has two hours left. Too bad we already spent our three quarters.
Mom has documented much of the activity of this visit with her video camera. It shows our explorations among the rocks and our contacts with the critters (lots of crabs) that live there. We had a lot of fun with the kids. Too soon, we had to get Aaron home in time for work.
Now its off to Wal-Mart. This is a dangerous time for me because Mom is at her highest level of oblivion when she is shopping. True to form, she and Ariel have lost all sense of time and place and us. They spend what I’m sure must have been three hours or more in the little girls area, trying on every ridiculous little thing (just kidding), while Eli and I are left to wander the eternal maze of remaining isles in the rest of the Wal-Mart store. After awhile Eli and I lay down some very heavy hinting about time and isn’t it time to go now? But as I said, they will have none of it and blithely continue laughing and carry on, absolutely ignoring our presence.
I succumb to Eli’s demand to visit the toy section. I have run out of excuses and divisive tactics to avoid the area and he is able to direct me most precisely. I manage to escape with no more than two swords and a military kit of some sort but I do make the mistake of passing the little boys area. But I am able to hold him to one dinosaur shirt. Actually, it was great fun and everyone was happy.
We all return to the Shiloh Inn where, while I doze on the bed, Mom and the kids go swimming. That’s good for an hour then its time to eat and so its off to Taco Bell where we order a whole slew of Mexican stuff. Finally, we hear the first audible signs of tiredness and at last their eyelids fall down into blessed sleep. While they sleep, we get them transported home at about midnight. We say our goodbyes to Aaron and Jacque and then go to look for a place to gas up our car and to vacuum it out before returning it.
We check out at about 7:30am and we are on our way home. I drove back around the 210 to the 605 but I think I could have gone via the 60 and hooked up with the 605 saving a bunch of miles. I just wasn’t confident about it so we went the long way around.
I was doing OK until I passed the 5 and suddenly things looked different, especially since Imperial Highway criss-crosses all over the place. I had to stop and use my cell phone to get directions back to Thrifty.
I am writing this part while waiting for a lucky call to board the 465 flight to Salt Lake City. The airport is full and the flight is overbooked by 19, so our chances are slimmer than when we came.
Well, we were not so lucky this time. Mom is waiting in another line to list us as standbys for the next flight out. It would have been OK had they not cancelled a flight earlier today.
Off in the corner I can see a pair of white shoes under a seat.
The time is now 12:50pm, Utah time. 11:50 LA. Mom has bought a MacDonald’s lunch. Since nobody knows me here, I think its probably OK to remove my dental partials. Its much more comfortable to eat that way. Mom tells me not to smile and so I don’t and I keep my mouth shut most of the time, chewing my food that way. It’s not easy but I’m brave.
When it comes time for me to restore my handsome self, I get up and walk somewhere, carefully replacing my teeth as I go. When I turn around, I flash the whole place a dazzling full faced grin.
Now Mom has asked me to remove myself two seats over so that she can make a bed along them. There are no obstructing arm rests and the main reason that I don’t fuss is that where I have to sit is right next to an attractive lady. Mom gives me that knowing look. The older I get, the prettier they look. Airports are a definite study of humanity. And don’t worry, I’m only looking.
Well its now 2pm Utah time, 1pm LA. We’ve not made this flight either and judging by the number of now familiar other standbys, it could be rough for the remaining flights today as well.
I guess you get what you deserve. An elderly lady has sat down beside me and from what I can gather, she has been stuck for three days. I don’t believe that she is aware that she smells like it. This is unkind to say but it is stifling and I don’t know how to gracefully move away.
OK, we’ve now missed the third flight since we began and the next is at 4:50pm LAX time. We tried for the United Express commuter to Fresno but the risk of connecting is greater than staying put and trying our luck with the two remaining flights. There are so many pairs of white shoes!
And now there’s an old man about a 100 feet away blowing his nose very hard in quick succession and loud enough to get the attention of the entire terminal. Its amazing just how much strength he has.
Next to us is a cute little girl doing what appears to be a cheerleaders routine for her parents. It’s close enough that I applaud, clapping my hands, which elicits a smile from her parents but now she is shy. Now they are all eating all kinds of assorted goodies, like Nachos, salads, and ice-cream. I’m beginning to salivate. My eyes are actually looking for white shoes.
Our names were actually called for the next flight but as we approached the podium we were denied on account of our attire not being appropriate for the first class area. There is one more flight and we have both changed, hoping that the way we now appear will be sufficient if an opportunity presents itself again. Talk about bad luck! Mom is not happy and I’m trying to cheer her up, which helps to cheer myself up.
Well here we are still traipsing around LAX, having now exhausted all possible chances of getting home today. We’ve decided to ‘hole up’ at the airport because room rates are so exorbitant. We’ve confiscated a row of seats on the United ticketing level and plan to bed down right there for the evening. Mom is supposed to be at work tonight and I’m supposed to be at work at 6am in the morning. Obviously, we are not going to make it, so we are going to lose some income.
It’s an eerie thing, it’s 11:10pm and it’s silent! Comparatively speaking. Just one or two people in a real hurry to get somewhere and only a few employees remain. Mom is stretched out across three seats again and already fast asleep. She has called Wal-Mart to tell them of her plight. We had Chicken McNuggets for supper and it felt like a banquet. Our next opportunity will be at 6am Monday morning. There’s some poster advertising thing down the way. It appears to be about shoes. I see a pair of white ones even if there aren’t any.
It’s now 10:40am, Monday morning and we are landing in the Valley of the Great Salt Lake. There’s a pair of white shoes sitting on the hood when get to our car. Mom likes these a whole lot better.

Love you boys,

Papanui the Storyteller
Aaron T Watene
Re-write Oct 21, 2009